I Can Live With the Truth: How DNA Revealed a 74-Year Family Secret

Have you ever wondered what secrets might be hidden in your family tree, waiting decades to be discovered? What if the clues to your own identity were locked away not just in old records, but in your very DNA and in memories you'd long forgotten?

That's exactly what happened to Nidel Day, who at age 74 discovered a truth that had been hiding in plain sight her entire life. When her daughter Lisa began exploring their family's DNA results, a mysterious Quebec connection emerged that couldn't be explained by their carefully researched family tree. This single Genetic Community (now called Ancestral Journeys) unlocked a family secret that had been kept for over seven decades, completely reshaping Nidel's understanding of who she is and where she came from.

"I just went 'oh, I'll be. Isn't that something? You never know what can happen.'"

From a Single Clue to a Life-Changing Discovery

Some DNA discoveries come wrapped in confusion. For Lisa Elzey (my podcast producer), what began as simply exploring Ancestry's genetic communities technology led to a puzzling revelation. Her mother's DNA showed strong connections to Quebec settlers yet their meticulously researched German and English family tree contained no French ancestry at all.

When Lisa found second cousin matches that didn't align with any known relatives, she faced that genealogical moment we all dread: when the evidence points to a conclusion we're not quite ready to accept. In this week's episode of Stories That Live In Us, Lisa and her mother Nidel share their remarkable journey of discovery – from puzzling DNA results to the emotional moment when Nidel finally learned at age 74 that the man who raised her wasn't her biological father.

The Whole Story

Take a moment to listen to Lisa and Nidel's powerful story:

Prefer audio only? Click here to listen on your favorite podcast app.

🎧 Listen to the full episode to discover:

• How a Quebec genetic community led to uncovering a family secret
• The moment when Lisa realized her grandfather Delbert wasn't her mother's biological father
• How Lisa methodically built evidence before approaching her mother with the discovery
• Nidel's surprisingly accepting reaction to learning the truth at age 74
• The forgotten teenage memory that suddenly made sense decades later
• How this discovery has reshaped family connections and identity

The Power of One Story

Nidel's story reminds us that family history isn't just about constructing accurate trees. It’s about understanding ourselves more deeply. When she learned about her biological father, Harold Lounsbury, the revelation didn't shatter her sense of self; instead, it illuminated aspects of her personality and life experiences that had never quite made sense before.

"It just made sense why we weren't connecting," Nidel explains about her relationship with Delbert, the man who raised her. "He was never like I told you, not connected, no emotional things going on between us. He was always so strict... It just made sense."

This story also demonstrates how our memories can protect us until we're ready for the truth. When Nidel was a teenager, Delbert actually told her he wasn't her father during an argument. But without context, she dismissed it as merely an angry comment meant to hurt her. That memory remained locked away for over 60 years until Lisa's discovery brought it back to the surface. Sometimes, the stories waiting to be told have been with us all along.

Your Story

Think about the unexpected connections in your own DNA results. Have you fully explored what those genetic communities might reveal about your family's history? Remember that DNA doesn't just confirm what we already know – sometimes it invites us to look beyond our documented family tree to discover truths that may have been hidden for generations.

Story Seeds 🌱

Plant these conversation starters and watch your family stories grow.

1. For Older Relatives: What things about your parents' relationship have always puzzled you? Were there ever moments when something was said that didn't quite make sense at the time?
   
   
2. For Siblings: Do you remember being told different versions of our family history at different times? What explanations made sense to you as a child that you question now as an adult?
   
   
3. For Parents/Grandparents: Were there ever family members who seemed unusually distant or whose behavior toward certain relatives seemed strange to you? What do you think might have been behind those relationships?
   
   
4. For Children/Grandchildren: If you discovered something unexpected about your family history, would you want to know? How do you think it might change how you see yourself?
   
   

Story Sparks 🔑

Unlock your family's hidden stories with these research techniques.

1. Pay special attention to Ancestral Journeys when exploring your AncestryDNA results. Look for things that don't align with your known family tree. These geographic connections can be powerful clues to undocumented branches of your family. Or they may reveal a surprise in your family tree.
   
   
2. Create custom groups in your AncestryDNA match list. Try to create one group for each of your eight great-grandparents and assign each of your top 100 matches to at least one group. If you notice matches that don't match any group, investigate them as potential clues to family secrets or misattributed parentage.
   
   
3. DNA test older generations whenever possible. As Lisa discovered, her grandmother's DNA test was crucial in determining which side of the family the unexpected matches came from. And testing that first cousin of her mom’s was the final evidence she needed to prove her hypothesis.
   
   

Now 81 years old, Nidel has embraced her newly discovered identity with remarkable grace. Though she feels some sadness at never having met her biological father, she's also gained seven half-siblings and a deeper understanding of herself. "I can live with the truth," she says, acknowledging that knowing who she really is – even later in life – is far better than never knowing at all.

Her story reminds us that it's never too late to discover the truth about our origins. The stories that live in us sometimes wait decades to emerge, but when they do, they can bring clarity, healing, and a profound sense of wholeness.

Ready to explore the potential secrets in your own DNA? Subscribe to Stories That Live In Us wherever you get your podcasts. And if this episode touched your heart, please leave us a rating and review – it helps other family story seekers find us.

© 2025 Crista Cowan. All rights reserved.