Gathering and Connections: Why a 140-Year-Old Cake Recipe Made Her Cry

What if the most meaningful family connections happen in the most unexpected places? Standing in a cemetery with your sister, following the trail of a mysterious hunting accident, or opening a Christmas gift that makes you dissolve into tears because it contains a 140-year-old cake recipe written in your ancestor's own handwriting?

That's exactly what happened to Betheny Tomseth, known on Instagram as @BethenyCakes, when she decided to dig deeper into her family's stories. As the middle child in a family of 14 children, Betheny grew up surrounded by love and family stories, but it wasn't until she started connecting the dots between mysterious family lore and actual historical records that she discovered just how powerful those connections could be.

A Mystery That Never Settled Right

One of the most compelling stories Betheny shares involves her great-grandfather Omer, who died in a hunting accident in 1921 when her grandmother was just nine months old.

"The friend stays back a bit, he sees my grandfather go over the hill and then he hears a gunshot... it says that he didn't hear a second gunshot. So he went to investigate."

What started as family lore about a tragic hunting accident became something much more intriguing when Betheny connected with a cousin through FamilySearch. "That story never settled right with me," her cousin Jerry told her, and when she finally located the original newspaper account, she understood why. The details didn't add up for someone who had just returned from World War I and knew his weaponry.

But here's what I love about Betheny's approach to this mystery: she didn't get stuck in the unsolvable questions. Instead, she used them as a launching point to truly get to know who Omer was as a person, connecting with living relatives and discovering the beautiful family dynamics that surrounded his life and death.

The Whole Story

If you haven't already heard Betheny's incredible journey through cake recipes and cemetery discoveries, take a moment to listen in:

Prefer audio only? Click here to listen on your favorite podcast app.

🎧 Listen to the full episode to discover:

• The mysterious details that made a 1921 hunting accident feel unsolved to family members a century later
• How a spontaneous cemetery visit with her sister revealed an entire family gathering place she never knew existed
• The Christmas gift that connected Betheny to her cake-making ancestor through a handwritten recipe
• Why the middle child in a family of 14 became so passionate about the ways food brings families together
• The beautiful way her ancestor Artis chose to bury her young husband next to her beloved grandmother

The Power of One Story

Betheny's story reminds us that family history isn't just about solving mysteries or filling in blanks on a family tree. It's about understanding the love that connects us across generations. Whether it's great-aunt Edith sharing stories about a sister she adored, or Artis choosing to bury her husband next to the grandmother who raised her, these stories reveal the deep bonds that persist even through tragedy.

"I really hope that people make family history now right. I hope that they make those connections and I hope that they make those memories now... I think leaving a legacy of love and connection is the best gift you can give your posterity."

What strikes me most about Betheny's journey is how she discovered that her ancestors were already gathering her family together – in cemeteries where they chose to rest side by side, in recipes passed down through generations, and in the stories that family members kept alive through their love for each other.

Your Story

Think about the gathering places in your family's story. Are there cemeteries where your ancestors chose to rest together? Recipes that carry more than just ingredients? Family stories that feel mysterious or incomplete but reveal something beautiful about the love that connected your ancestors?

Story Seeds 🌱

Plant these conversation starters and watch your family stories grow.

1. For Parents/Grandparents: "What family recipes do you remember from your childhood? Who taught them to you, and what occasions were they made for?"
2. For Aunts/Uncles: "What stories did the older generation tell you about family members who died before you were born? How did those stories make you feel connected to people you never met?"
3. For Siblings: "What family traditions or gatherings made you feel most loved and special growing up? How can we carry those feelings forward?"
4. For Extended Family: "Are there any family stories that never quite settled right with you? What details always seemed mysterious or incomplete?"

Story Sparks 🔑

Unlock your family's hidden stories with these research techniques.

1. Use the FamilySearch "Relatives Around Me" feature during genealogy conferences, online events, or any other social gathering. You might connect with distant cousins who have pieces of your family puzzle, just like Betheny did with her cousin Jerry.
2. Contact county recorder's offices for historical records that might not be digitized. Even if they don't have what you're looking for, they often know exactly who to call next, like the local newspaper that had Betheny's great-grandfather's story.
3. Research cemetery plot maps online before visiting family burial sites. Understanding who chose to be buried near whom can reveal family relationships and emotional connections you never knew existed.
4. Look beyond the obvious artifacts when family members offer to share items. Recipe books, household manuals, and everyday items often contain handwritten notes that provide intimate glimpses into your ancestors' daily lives and personalities.

The next time you're at a family gathering, pay attention to what brings everyone together – is it around a dinner table, in front of a birthday cake, or sharing stories about people who are no longer with you? These moments aren't just happening by chance. They're the continuation of gathering traditions that your ancestors started, and they're the foundation for the connections that will outlive all of us.

Ready to discover more stories about the beautiful ways our ancestors connect us? Subscribe to Stories That Live In Us wherever you get your podcasts. And if this episode inspired you to look differently at your own family gathering places, please leave us a rating and review – it helps other family story seekers find us.

© 2025 Crista Cowan. All rights reserved.